I want to come to understand exactly what makes me gay.
I am completely aware of the fact it’s not to do with events that took place on my life but it’s something inside me I was born with.
Maybe an extra hormone,
Or perhaps a different brain chemical.
It could even be in my DNA.
But what ever it is…
I want to know.
I am completely content with the fact that I am.
In love with the fact I’m gay really..
But I still would like to understand it.
Because tonight for the first time in my life,
I’m not confused about men.
Just like every straight girl says:
“I can appreciate a beautiful women”
Well,
I can appreciate a very handsome man.
But the feeling I feel around females.
How I just feel completely at peace.
Perfectly content with the comfort of a women.

I mean think about it straight girls,
Would you lye next to one of your straight guy best friends and be able to separate the feeling of attachment, intimacy, and friendship?

The butterflies, the desire, the ability to just see pure beauty in a women, the way my heart pounds when I see an attractive women…

Everything a women feels when she looks at a handsome guy is what I see, is what I feel when I look at a beautiful female.

I try to play straight.
Mostly because I want that love, I want that serious relationship, I want to be normal, but I can’t.
And I won’t play pretend.
I won’t settle
Women are perfect beings in my eyes.
When I picture my future…
It is and always will be with a female…
And I’m done trying to find that in guys just because I’m eager.

For the first time in my life,
I cabbie say without a doubt…
I AM A LESBIAN!!

And I will no longer act like I can’t deside…
Because I don’t know how my future will turn..
But I won’t allow myself just to be with a man because I want to feel wanted…
Because I want to understand what straight girls feel.
It’s just time for me to accept I will never know what straight girls feel..
Because I am a gay girl…
And girls do for me what guys do for straight girls.
That’s all I really need to know.
I will forever be okay with just knowing that one fact!

fucking with my strap on..

Fuck i wanna have some wild crazy sex.

I wanna get down and dirty with a girl.

Im feeling frisky.

I wanna taste her,

kiss her,

ravish her! ;)

I need a girl who’s trying to let me show her the best damn time she’s ever had.

I need to get my humps out.

work my abs out with that strap on..

yeah these are the things I love about being a lesbian. 

So your gone..

Your in another state. 

Far away from anywhere I’ll ever be.

Now I guess its time for me to let go.

But in the back of my mind I still play out this pathetic fairy tale..

This one where we some how magically end up together.

Because I finally came forth with enough action to show you I’ll never stop loving you..

and you finally come around to believe me..

To let me in because I was the only one who ever cared enough..

cared too much..

stuck around..

and i often wonder if thats just because I feel guilty..

but it cant be that..

because I would have forgotten it by now..

with how you seem to forget about me anyways..

Plus.. I know what love is because of you..

I know what its like to forget about everything… but how my heart feels when your around..

How beautiful you are..

how precious you are..

But now that is gone..

and I need to move on for good.

because now there is no chance that I will cross your path..

or you’ll be over at one of our shared friends house’s.

I wont have to see your face anymore..

and as sad as that makes me..

I know i should be relieved. 

because maybe now..

I can forget about you.

I can stop thinking about you.

I can atleast realize and give up on the fairy tale that replays, revises itself over and over again in my head. 

Maybe i’ll stop reliving these memories of you… 

Lately ive been reliving the moment we first told each other we loved each other..

I was the first person you ever told it to..

You were the first perosn I ever meant it too..

As precious as these memories are they are so painful to relive..

to remember every day.. 

it’s just too hard and I cant deal with it anymore..

please just let me get over you..

Because I cant deal with this pain anymore. 

I hope you stay safe in your new home..

I hope you accomblish everything you went there for.

Im happy for you.

I just hope your happy. 

I hate that still to this day I can’t look at a picture of u, nd not feel my heart break into a million pieces
I hate that when I see you happy it hurts even more because I’m not the one being able to give you that smile and enjoy it with you.
Which just make me the selfish cunt because I should be happy with just the idea of you being happy!
I hate that you are so incredibly beautiful to me.
I hate that I just wanna stare at your pictures even tho they break my heart.
I’m happy your happy I really am.
I just wish I could be happy with out you.
I wish I didn’t care.
But look what this is all filled with:
I’s
But I’m hurting myself more when I think of you.
So I have to start thinking about myself.
How I’ll always love you,
But I’m better off without you.
How I did nothing but love you,
But you couldn’t get over the past,
Neither could I.
How I need to forgive myself for what I did,
And that’s not the person I am now.
And I’m sorry it’s what I did then…
But I can’t keep dwelling on it.
I need to realize I’m not on your mind
Like your on mine.
I need to forget about you.
Everything about you.
Everything I remember all the way to a point as far as,
Your sex face,
Your sweet face,
Your silly face,
Your sad face,
Your hurt face,
Fuck just stop it! Stay out of my head and my heart because I can’t take this pain anymore!
I can’t be with you!
I can’t even be a part of your life anymore since you kicked me out!
So its time for me to not give a fuck, forget about it all.
It’s been a year since we fucked around and almost 4 year since we dated!
It’s time for me to stop being so hurt.
Stop being such a pussy!

I jsut have too much love in my heart..

And no where to give it. 

Lets just cuddle our brains out..

and kiss. 

Ha, yeah right, like anyone in my life would wanna do that with me. 

So i realized tonight…
Who gives a fuck about the way you look at me..
Or if u find stupid silly ways to ensure we are touching..
It’s not like ur doing it on purpose
And it sure as hell doesn’t mean you like me
You just are who you are..
I just over analyze it all too much!

You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life
But that’s only because your love is unconditional,
In a best friend kinda way.

I’ve never experienced something like that until you.
You’ve changed me for the better
You are seriously the most amazing person I ever met
And I don’t think there is anything you can’t do.
Thank you…
For everything you have done for me.
And thank you for loving me…

Dont think I’m crazy but sometimes I’ve imagined how perfect of a couple we’d be…

Sometimes I feel like we are together just without the intimacy…

But then I come back to reality and realize I’m living in the dumbest dream land ever..

I’m just glad ur my best friend

One day I’ll stop writing these pathetic love blogs about you..

I wish I could find a girl to spend my time with..

I just miss that connection..

Being able to hold a girl Make her smile Just simply holdng her hand..

Oh where oh where could my girl be?

Who ever she may be I hope she comes into my life soon.

I love being gay..
I love everything about being with another women.
The touch of our skins gliding together,
The sweet smile of a women
The sweet delicious kiss
The brain of a women..

Girls are perfect.

I wouldn’t wish to be straight any day