I want to come to understand exactly what makes me gay.
I am completely aware of the fact it’s not to do with events that took place on my life but it’s something inside me I was born with.
Maybe an extra hormone,
Or perhaps a different brain chemical.
It could even be in my DNA.
But what ever it is…
I want to know.
I am completely content with the fact that I am.
In love with the fact I’m gay really..
But I still would like to understand it.
Because tonight for the first time in my life,
I’m not confused about men.
Just like every straight girl says:
“I can appreciate a beautiful women”
I can appreciate a very handsome man.
But the feeling I feel around females.
How I just feel completely at peace.
Perfectly content with the comfort of a women.
I mean think about it straight girls,
Would you lye next to one of your straight guy best friends and be able to separate the feeling of attachment, intimacy, and friendship?
The butterflies, the desire, the ability to just see pure beauty in a women, the way my heart pounds when I see an attractive women…
Everything a women feels when she looks at a handsome guy is what I see, is what I feel when I look at a beautiful female.
I try to play straight.
Mostly because I want that love, I want that serious relationship, I want to be normal, but I can’t.
And I won’t play pretend.
I won’t settle
Women are perfect beings in my eyes.
When I picture my future…
It is and always will be with a female…
And I’m done trying to find that in guys just because I’m eager.
For the first time in my life,
I cabbie say without a doubt…
I AM A LESBIAN!!
And I will no longer act like I can’t deside…
Because I don’t know how my future will turn..
But I won’t allow myself just to be with a man because I want to feel wanted…
Because I want to understand what straight girls feel.
It’s just time for me to accept I will never know what straight girls feel..
Because I am a gay girl…
And girls do for me what guys do for straight girls.
That’s all I really need to know.
I will forever be okay with just knowing that one fact!